Vivacious was the winner of the 2022 Hopkins Picnic Male Beauty Pageant, perhaps because the judges were intrigued by the pink dress. It was all for a good cause, as funds were raised for the North Nodaway PTO.
Rosella
Rosella, who is from South Carolina, couldn’t exactly explain what had brought her all the way to Hopkins. Her specialty was playing the guitar, and at 65, she was older than you think.
Dawn McIntyre & Billie Jean
Dawn McIntyre and Billie Jean were the defending champions from last year. Billie Jean’s special talent was video games, especially the shooting kind where she was the last person standing. Dawn’s specialty was researching her ancestry, where she found that she had a lot of famous people in her bloodlines. They were from Hopkins, and they were related, although their trees forked a little bit. Dawn once dated Michael Jackson, but it didn’t go so well, as the late pop singer wrote the popular song “Billie Jean” and stole her dance. Like Rosella, the McIntyre pair was older than they looked, given that Michael Jackson’s song in question was a hit in the 1980’s.
Ayna
Ayna, who pronounces her name as Ayonna, hails from Creston, where she says there is nothing good. Like Dawn McIntyre, one of her special talents is researching her bloodlines; she found out that Sara Coleman was one of her aunts. But her main talent is being an auctioneer, where she can call out bids with the best of them. She was inspired by the “Auctioneer” song.
Marybelle
Marybelle hails from South Alabama, but she heard there were some weird things going on in Hopkins and decided to check it out. Her special talent was wrestling alligators; she has won all her matches so far. She has wrestled too many to count, and she eats them sometimes after she is done.
Lemon Drop
Lemon Drop, who is from Lemon Beach (CA), came to Hopkins because her mom’s boyfriend lives in Hopkins. We couldn’t find a Lemon Beach, but we did find a Lemon Drive in Long Beach (CA).
Her mom’s boyfriend drives a truck for a living, and they have dated 15 years. Her special talent is picking and eating lemons; so she was probably drawn to one of the two lemonade stands that were at the Picnic. Her mom met her boyfriend on Truck Drivers Only, a dating site. The mom’s special talent was one that only one person in the crowd knew, and they weren’t going to tell. When asked why they should win, Lemon Drop said, “We’re more beautiful than all them other things.”
Vivacious
A local talent, she said they were having a hard time getting people to participate in the Hopkins PTO, so she started doing what she’s doing. Her special talent is drawing a crowd; some of them are relatives who come for company and won’t leave, and others for business. Her other talents include making racks, bathrooms, kitchens, and siding. But she was not Amish, because she believed very strongly in the use of power tools. She also has talent as a goat seller. She said she ought to win $1,000 because she was as scrumptious as apple cobbler.
Jennifer Wild & Free
She said she was from Down South (KS) and is just as happy chasing women. She was a beautician, and her special talent is fixing hair. She loves to dance to Country, especially Phil Forney, who performed after the beauty pageant was over. She said she deserved to win because she had all the best moves.
When the audience was asked who should be the winner, the support was equal for everyone. The beauties came around the stands to raise money for the Hopkins PTO. There were allegations of rigging, as the judges wore some crazy hair for the occasion, and everyone was wondering where they came from and how the organizers came up with them.
The pageant is always looking for more performers. Word on the street is that if the North Nodaway girls volleyball team wins at least 8 games or the basketball team wins at least 20, there will be a special guest next year. So if you’re curious about who the guest will be and what her talents are, come cheer the Mustangs on to victory this school year.
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