Dolly McIntyre came from Out West and came to the Hopkins Picnic to check out the people for their looks. "She" used to be Hanna, and was a cross between Reba and Dolly. Saturday was "her" birthday, as was every day of the year. "She" was looking for a sugar daddy and was looking for that farmer money.
Billie Jean, if the name sounds familiar, was the girl Michael Jackson sang about in his famous hit song in the 1980's. "She" lived in a music studio, but surprisingly, despite the song about her dance moves, said "she" couldn't dance. "She" was also on Bachelorette, where "she" had 85 different guys chasing "her." "She" said she deserved to win because "she" was famous.
Selina Del Taco, who looked like Garrett Torres, lived South of the Border and came to Hopkins because "she" was looking for anybody named Yolanda. "She" said she deserved to win because "she" was the best dancer and because, "I love America!" Selina was the first "girl" interviewed and spent the rest of the competition talking trash to the other contestants.
Pinky, who looked like Owen Coleman, had a mixture of green and pink hair, but was otherwise all pink. "Her" specialty seemed to be insulting people, telling the emcee he looked like he was 79. "She" was from Kansas City and came to the Hopkins Picnic because it was less boring than the city. "There are too many people," "she" declared. "Her" other specialty seemed to be phone hacking, as she declared "she" could open the emcee's phone.
Brandy Carter came from the Hotel Skidmore, which was home to the world's longest pool table. "She" was 43 and "Her" specialty seemed to be getting Selina's goat.
Ophelia Moore was a movie star who lived southeast of Hopkins, but didn't raise any animals. "Her" hobby was wallowing in the hay and twerking, which led to a danceoff between "her" and Selenia.
Frenchie Fry came from the ocean and was a couch potato who made millions. "Her" mother, father, and siblings were all potatoes. "She" didn't go to school, but didn't have to because "she" had experience. "Her" special talent was cleaning, and "she" said the reason she should win was because, "I'm a potato."
Amythest had an unfortunate accident when "she" was hit in the head by an amythest rock coming out of the hospital and her parents called "her" that. "She" was from Bedford, where there was a lot of corn. "Her" talent was slapping people, and "she" said she should win because, "I'm a beauty queen." "She" added, "If you don't win, I'll slap all of you!" Unfortunately, the judges' names, addresses, and phone numbers were not available.
Fat Patricia was named by "her" parents. "She" sported blue lipstick and wore a good luck charm along with a huge watch. "She" lives on the streets of New York City, but got to Hopkins in two minutes flat. "She" denied, however, rumors that "she" was a witch and that she zapped herself from NYC to Hopkins. "She" said the reason "she" should win was because, "I'm the cutest."
Daisy was from St. Louis. "She" came to Hopkins to visit relatives, but "she" was too embarrassed to tell who they were. "She" was older than the rest of the bunch, at 70. "Her" talent was running a daycare, being one of the few contestants to have actual jobs.
Froggy showed up in a wedding dress. "She" went from starring in "Sydney and the Bandit" to hauling cattle. "She" was set to be married when "her" "husband" dumped "her," so "she" came to Hopkins looking for a sugar daddy. Favorite hobbies include drinking Coors Light at the tavern and cruising down the highway in "her" 1969 Ford Mustang with "her" hair blowing in the wind. However, "she" had a beef with the local tavern because they were closed at noon and "she" couldn't find the manager to complain.
Dirty Danielle, the Jungle Girl, was from north of Anchorage, Alaska. "She" got dirty looks from some of the other contestants, but "she" didn't care because "she" had her sugar daddy, Russ the Auctioneer. Apparently, Russ had the megabucks and could even sing.
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