The Onion website reports that the Koch Brothers had bought each other the same election. The Onion, of course, is a parody website that posts daily political satire. However, it has spawned a number of similar sites, some of which post “stories” that are widely believed. For instance, we were briefly taken in by one site which claimed that Ronald Reagan had repudiated the Republican Party just before his death in 2004. Mr. Reagan, of course, had Alzheimer’s Disease by that time.
As recounted in The Onion:
The two brothers and energy industry magnates, who for decades have gathered to share a holiday meal and open presents next to the Christmas tree in Charles’ Wichita home, admitted they were a bit embarrassed to learn they had each given the other U.S. Rep. Lee Zeldin’s congressional seat, but said they ultimately shrugged off the coincidence.
“When we realized we both bought New York’s 1st District, we just looked at each other and laughed,” said Charles Koch, who acknowledged that he and David have pretty similar tastes. “Now that I think about it, I can’t believe this has never happened before. It was probably bound to sooner or later. I guess we just know each other too well!”“At least it’s something we can enjoy using together,” he added.
David Koch explained that he had hoped the present would be a special surprise for Charles, noting that he had taken care to be discreet by telling his brother he was “just heading out to another fundraiser at Lincoln Center” when he was in fact on his way to go purchase the outcome of the election in the eastern Long Island congressional district. In addition, he was reportedly careful not to take any calls from the Zeldin 2016 campaign team while he and Charles were out together at dinner, the ballet, or Cato Institute symposiums.
“A few months ago, we were watching the news, and when one of the pundits on TV mentioned Zeldin’s reelection bid, Charles’ whole face just lit up,” said David Koch, who later admitted he had purchased the district partly because he knew he would want to borrow it for himself from time to time. “Well, it seems like my brother and I both had the same idea about limiting the petroleum industry’s liability for toxic spills and ensuring taxpayers shoulder the majority of cleanup costs. That’s just so us, you know?”
Democrats, of course, are not immune from The Onion’s barbs. On their website Friday included one headline, “Hillary Clinton Relaxing Before Debate with Few Hours of Debate Practice.” Obviously, this piece was poking fun at her ambition. Another piece reads, “Bernie Sanders Refuses Flashy ABC Podium in Favor of Own Humble, Homemade Lectern,” implying that Mr. Sanders was bragging about his humility. Another piece recounts a supposed brawl in the Supreme Court between Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Stephen Breyer. In real life, the two men are frequently on the opposite sides of court decisions.
The Onion does not limit itself to politics. In the Letters to Santa in the Sheridan Express last month, some kids requested video games for different consoles. However, The Onion notes that one of the best-selling Christmas items this year was Star Wars Battlefront for the Wrong Console.
The Koch Brothers piece was about the influence of money in politics. After the Citizens United ruling allowing (for the most part) unlimited money in politics, people like the Koch Brothers have gotten much more influential in elections. This accounts in part for the explosion of TV and radio ads that you see every election cycle. One of the few restrictions that was allowed to stand was the one that prohibits super-PACS from coordinating their activities with political candidates.
Now, there are billionaires on both sides of the political aisle who are seeking to buy our elections. The hope is not necessarily for a quid pro quo, but for our elected officials to turn around and hand out tax breaks that are not necessarily on the public radar until the breaks are already signed into law. These favors are frequently attached to must-pass legislation such as the recent Omnibus Bill that was recently passed by Congress and signed by President Obama.
The Koch Brothers have been pushing for special tax breaks as well as favorable legislation for the oil industry and a massive rollback of our federal government. The agenda runs even further. In 1980, David Koch ran as Libertarian Party candidate for Vice President.
The following excerpts are part of the Libertarian Party platform that Mr. Koch ran on back in 1980:
“We favor the abolition of Medicare and Medicaid programs.”
“We favor the repeal of the fraudulent, virtually bankrupt, and increasingly oppressive Social Security system. Pending that repeal, participation in Social Security should be made voluntary.”
“We propose the abolition of the governmental Postal Service. The present system, in addition to being inefficient, encourages governmental surveillance of private correspondence. Pending abolition, we call for an end to the monopoly system and for allowing free competition in all aspects of postal service.”
“We oppose all personal and corporate income taxation, including capital gains taxes.”
“We support the eventual repeal of all taxation.” “As an interim measure, all criminal and civil sanctions against tax evasion should be terminated immediately.”
“We support repeal of all law which impede the ability of any person to find employment, such as minimum wage laws.”
“We advocate the complete separation of education and State. Government schools lead to the indoctrination of children and interfere with the free choice of individuals. Government ownership, operation, regulation, and subsidy of schools and colleges should be ended.”
“We condemn compulsory education laws … and we call for the immediate repeal of such laws.”
“We support the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency.”
“We support abolition of the Department of Energy.”
“We call for the dissolution of all government agencies concerned with transportation, including the Department of Transportation.”
“We demand the return of America's railroad system to private ownership. We call for the privatization of the public roads and national highway system.”
“We specifically oppose laws requiring an individual to buy or use so-called "self-protection" equipment such as safety belts, air bags, or crash helmets.”
“We advocate the abolition of the Federal Aviation Administration.”
“We advocate the abolition of the Food and Drug Administration.”
“We support an end to all subsidies for child-bearing built into our present laws, including all welfare plans and the provision of tax-supported services for children.”
But while the Koch Brothers may rant and rave against the dangers of big government, they are happy to take government funding for their operations. The organization Good Jobs First, which tracks where government money is going, found that the Koch Brothers have taken $196 million in federal, state, and local subsidies, mostly since 2009. In addition, they took $6.2 million in bailout money.
And their father, Fred Koch, had no qualms about doing business with Stalin from 1929 to 1931, during the time when he was starving his people. When most other companies stayed away from Stalin, an October 1st 2014 article in Salon notes that Fred Koch went to the Soviet Union and helped them jump-start their oil program, which is now one of the world’s largest.
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